Top-10 Tried & True (& Probably) Traumatic Methods

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for the past two weeks, we’ve celebrated our daughter’s birthday — in fact, we’ve had 5 celebrations in honor of her turning 5.  at first, it sounded well worth it to make the big 5 as memorable for her as possible but by the 3rd celebration, we were burnt the f out. from a party with her classmates to in-law dinner to disneyland to dinner with my parents to in-class treats. never. ever. again.

however, as i reflect back on the past 5 years of her life, i realize that part of her upbringing and what has made her the amazing sassy smart girl she is today is, in big part, a result of empty threats and lies that i now impart to you:

  1. if you’re in a restaurant or any public place and your kids are being too loud or rambunctious, just point to the scariest looking man that works there and say, “he doesn’t like that and will come over if you don’t stop,”
  2. if that doesn’t work, raise your hand and say very loudly to the room, “EXCUSE ME but child’sname is not listening to me, who wants her?” Continue reading

Dedicated To My Little Big Girl

*warning: extremely sappy post ahead; read at your own discretion*

dearest daughter,

i feel disbelief, bittersweet, sadness, yearning, nostalgia because today, you turned 5.

when i first found out i was pregnant, i was hoping for a boy, as most of my close friends had boys as first-borns and i wanted you guys to all be BFFs. but as soon as the ultrasound technician told me “it’s a girl,” i cried tears of both shock and happiness.  the second you slipped out of me and the nurses plopped you on my chest, i remember feeling such an overwhelming warmness from head to toe.  it hit me like a mack truck to the body … this is love.

from the moment you were born, you were bright eyed and bushy tailed.  in fact, you literally looked at the camera and smiled within hours of birth, and here’s proof:

i went to work 4 months after you were born. i had such intense separation anxiety that i would bring your dirty onesies with me stuffed in a ziploc, take it out when i was on the brink of losing it, secretly take in a long heavenly sniff , then hurriedly stow it back into my purse for fear of my co-workers catching me and thinking i was a gross lunatic. Continue reading

Sunday Suckage

i have a love/hate with sundays. it’s not a work day but i wake up irritated and feel like kicking my legs like a little tantrumy kid because i know today is the last rest day before the long week ahead.  however, looking back at the week, i have noticed quite a few happenings that make me chuckle:

  1. even if i wore surgical gloves, sealed them in saran wrap, and wore a hazmat suit, poop will inevitably find its way under my nails while changing my son’s crap diaper
  2. i live with 3 hoarders; 1 man and 2 little ones to be exact.
  3. the smell of my son’s feet is absolutely intoxicating – i can sniff ’em all day.
  4. his breath, on the other hand, can melt your eyelashes together and make your nose hairs fall out Continue reading

Clutter Is The King Of Crap

when i was younger, i was messy.  not really a slob where you couldn’t see the carpet under mounds of dirty laundry but more like i didn’t mind dust on my dresser or my long hair on the carpet or a small pile of clothes in a corner.  that changed when i got my own place after college.  my apartment was in a dangerous location – there were homeless people sitting on the stoop and snoring very loudly in the bushes – but it was $600 a month, and i could barely afford that.  you see, i had very VERY did i say very strict asian parents, so you lived at home until you got married.  but after living in such a restrictive controlled household then tasting the freedom of chaos (and many illegal substances) in college, you know there was no way in hell that i was moving back.  i clearly remember my mom saying to me upon hearing that i’d already put a down payment on the apartment and got my keys and was moving out in 2 days:

“we are not giving you a penny if you move out now.”
“that’s fine mom because i will never ask for one.”

i never did. Continue reading

Allow Myself To Introduce … Myself.

for years, my friends have told me that i needed to start a blog.  they say i can be witty and funny and tell it like it is. which – for the most part – i do agree i so am. however, i have also been hesitant to actually start one for a variety of reasons.  mainly because although i may seem tough on the exterior, i am really all kinds of chicken.

the main reasons why i haven’t started a blog until today:

  • fear that no one is going to read it
  • fear that if people do read it, they’ll think i’m lame or demented or weird or not funny
  • fear that i’ll reveal too much

here’s the thing though.  i am in my … ummm, errr, hmmm … well, i’m getting old damnit and there comes a time when i have to stop being fearful.  although i was the wild child devil from all 9 circles of hell in my youth, i’ve become very cautious and hesitant as i get older.  but starting a blog is something that i’ve wanted to do for a while, so what the butt, i’m doing it.

i’m sure this blog is going to evolve and hopefully grow as i do but for now, it’s a place where i just dump my thoughts, feelings, ideas about my life with my husband and two kids.  i don’t want it to be a “mommy blog” or “working woman’s blog,” although i’m sure those are going to be running themes since being a working mom is such a big (sometimes begrudgingly so) part of my life.

i ain’t going to pigeonhole myself because as you’ll soon find out, i am a jack of all trades, master of … some?

and finally, i read a quote a while ago – don’t know who wrote it – but it went something like this:

when i had my children, i lost my mind but found my soul.”

it perfectly captured what i felt and continue to feel after having my kids – thus my blog name.

laters.