- your weekly house cleanings have now become … never.
- you’ve been holding your pee for the past 3 hours because you can’t spare the 2 minutes.
- you’re not sure if your nightmare was real or not.
- you seriously think about chewing coffee crystals straight out of the can instead of making it – BREWING TAKES TOO LONG.
- you ask a question and get the answer; 10 seconds later you ask the same question. it’s like the movie memento except you’re living your life in 10 second loops.
- what you just said doesn’t even make sense to you.
- you constantly feel hungover and you don’t drink.
- people think you’re pissed but that’s the way you type – CLACK POUND POUND CLACK CLACK POUND CLACK.
- your once pristine long perfectly manicured nails are now scraggly bitten down nubs with cracking bleeding cuticles.
- your entire eye lid is covered in uneven sprouty eyebrow hairs because who has time to pluck them.
- walking away from your computer to get a glass of water is a waste of time.
- you took extensive notes but when you read over it the next morning, you have no idea what any of it means – WTF IS THIS SH*T?
- you honk your horn at least once a block – EVERYONE SUCKS AT DRIVING EXCEPT ME!
- you phone someone and when they answer, you say, “who is this?”
- you read the same sentence 6 times and still have no idea – WHY DO I NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM READING?
- you forget what floor your office is on … that you’ve been working at for the past almost 2 months.
- someone asks you if they can borrow a pen and all you want to do is stab them with it – CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? GEEEEEEEEEEEZ.
- at the end of the day, you look like you escaped from a mental institution.
- you wish everyone talked in bullet points – HURRY UP I CAN’T DEAL WITH LONG SENTENCES.
- you start thinking about the weekend at 10 am on Monday.
but how can i complain when today is FRIIIIIDDAAAAY BABY!!!
if i don’t return, avenge my death.