You Know You’re Stressed/Tired/Losing It When …

the top-20 signs you know you’re stressed/busy/juggling too many things at once:

  1. your weekly house cleanings have now become … never.
  2. you’ve been holding your pee for the past 3 hours because you can’t spare the 2 minutes.
  3. you’re not sure if your nightmare was real or not.
  4. you seriously think about chewing coffee crystals straight out of the can instead of making it – BREWING TAKES TOO LONG.
  5. you ask a question and get the answer; 10 seconds later you ask the same question.  it’s like the movie memento except you’re living your life in 10 second loops.
  6. what you just said doesn’t even make sense to you.
  7. you constantly feel hungover and you don’t drink.
  8. people think you’re pissed but that’s the way you type – CLACK POUND POUND CLACK CLACK POUND CLACK.
  9. your once pristine long perfectly manicured nails are now scraggly bitten down nubs with cracking bleeding cuticles.
  10. your entire eye lid is covered in uneven sprouty eyebrow hairs because who has time to pluck them.
  11. walking away from your computer to get a glass of water is a waste of time.
  12. you took extensive notes but when you read over it the next morning, you have no idea what any of it means – WTF IS THIS SH*T?
  13. you honk your horn at least once a block – EVERYONE SUCKS AT DRIVING EXCEPT ME!
  14. you phone someone and when they answer, you say, “who is this?”
  15. you read the same sentence 6 times and still have no idea – WHY DO I NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM READING?
  16. you forget what floor your office is on … that you’ve been working at for the past almost 2 months.
  17. someone asks you if they can borrow a pen and all you want to do is stab them with it – CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? GEEEEEEEEEEEZ.
  18. at the end of the day, you look like you escaped from a mental institution.
  19. you wish everyone talked in bullet points – HURRY UP I CAN’T DEAL WITH LONG SENTENCES.
  20. you start thinking about the weekend at 10 am on Monday.

but how can i complain when today is FRIIIIIDDAAAAY BABY!!!

if i don’t return, avenge my death.

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