Dedicated To My Little Big Man

dearest son,

today, you turned 3 years old.

there is no one in this world that can melt my heart as quickly as you. that can turn my anger to laughter, sadness to joy, irritation to cheer in a matter of seconds just by a few words from your husky voice.

i’ll be honest … when you were in my belly, i used to worry that i wouldn’t be able to love you as much as your sister.  when she was born, i had never felt or imagined that i could feel that kind of intense, raw, pure love and i didn’t know if my heart could feel the same level of love for you. i also longed to have another girl so your sister could have a best friend for life. i already had her name picked out – summer. i cried when i found out i was having a boy – you could hear the tears dripping on the tissue paper i was laying on in the doctor’s office – and these were not tears of joy. a friend tried to console me by saying, “you need to have a boy. it’ll give you another chance to fall head over heels in love again.”

although you kicked my ass so hard the first year because you were the worst sleeper in the history of the universe, although i could not leave your sight for the first 2 years of your life, although there was never another boy that cried as much and as loud as you, when i think of you, my heart melts into a puddle and hearts float out of my eyes.

here are some of the things you do that have me wrapped around your dirty little finger:

  • you say, “mommy listen!” then turn around and fart on my face.
  • your morning breath curls my nose hairs but i still love it.
  • you dance like a drunken old man.
  • your love for star wars is unmatched, especially chewbacca. it’s a little unsettling.
  • you also love spiderman. you have at least 12 pairs of spiderman tighty undies that you wear on your head.
  • when i get upset with you, you look at me with big puppy eyes and say, “mommy, you so mean to me” then nestle your face in my neck while you hold me tight.
  • your feet smell like a little bit of heaven.
  • you and i have the same taste in food. in fact, we often fight about who gets more ikura at sushi restaurants.
  • you always loved sleeping on my chest, and even at the age of 3, with your 95 percentile large heavy round cannonball melon head, you still do.
  • out of the blue, you caress my face and say, “i love you so much.”
  • you have ocd tendencies – no folds in books, no chips on toys, no stains on clothes – but that’s not unusual given that my entire family is like that, including yours truly.
  • you love my cooking.
  • you are the world’s best messer and the world’s worst cleaner.
  • the word “boobs” instantly cracks you up.
  • your favorite thing to do is sit in my or your daddy’s lap, and read a book together.
  • you secretly stick your finger in your butt, then innocently ask, “what is this? smell my finger.”

my worries were unfounded. my love for you cannot be put into words. you will find out when you become a parent one day that your heart expands to limits you could never imagine and it only grows larger with each child.

when you come home after school and i hear your feet running through the house looking for me, every time i get butterflies in my stomach and my heart skips a little because i can’t wait to hold you in my arms and kiss you. my friend was right. i have totally and completely fallen head over heels in love with another boy.

happy birthday my son.



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