since i can remember, thanksgiving has been a time of family gathering and lots of delicious fatty creamy food. my siblings and i talk about it weeks before in anticipation of my mom’s extremely unhealthy rich heavy cooking. she usually prepares healthy fare but during thanksgiving, it’s artery clogging, gut busting deliciousness. i am wiping the drool off my chin as i’m typing this.
growing up the eldest of three kids, our parents raised us very differently.
i was the the guinea pig, so i got all sorts of f**cked up.
my younger sister witnessed the insane trouble i got in, turned out the exact opposite and was the perfect child.
by the time my brother was born 10 years after me, my parents basically didn’t care – his diaper didn’t get changed until it was so heavy, the crotch part was touching the ground.
i vowed that as a parent, i’d be completely fair, never compare my kids, love them equally, treat them the same. as soon as i became a parent for the second time, i realized what an idealistic naive idiot i was.
i feel disbelief, bittersweet, sadness, yearning, nostalgia because today, you turned 5.
when i first found out i was pregnant, i was hoping for a boy, as most of my close friends had boys as first-borns and i wanted you guys to all be BFFs. but as soon as the ultrasound technician told me “it’s a girl,” i cried tears of both shock and happiness. the second you slipped out of me and the nurses plopped you on my chest, i remember feeling such an overwhelming warmness from head to toe. it hit me like a mack truck to the body … this is love.
from the moment you were born, you were bright eyed and bushy tailed. in fact, you literally looked at the camera and smiled within hours of birth, and here’s proof:
i went to work 4 months after you were born. i had such intense separation anxiety that i would bring your dirty onesies with me stuffed in a ziploc, take it out when i was on the brink of losing it, secretly take in a long heavenly sniff , then hurriedly stow it back into my purse for fear of my co-workers catching me and thinking i was a gross lunatic. Continue reading