Thrilling Thursday Thoughts (doesn’t it sound like i have a lisp?)

you know, just some stuff i HAD to get off my chest:

  1. why does my husband sound like he’s being strangled to death when he brushes his teeth?
  2. when my kids see a spider, they yell, “MOMMY, SPIDER KILL IT!” … not “DADDY, SPIDER KILL!”  deduce from that what you will. Continue reading
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Make Sure To Hit Her Back … But HARDER.

as a kid, i was at different times a bully and bullied.  i don’t think my daughter will ever be a bully – she just doesn’t have it in her.  she’s incredibly sweet and empathetic and nurturing.  being bullied by girls is especially painful because unfortunately, girls are natural born experts at isolating, pointing out your weaknesses in the meanest of ways, getting other girls to gang up on you.  one day you’re best friends, the next day, sometimes inexplicably, you’re the outcast.

in junior high, there were these two very popular bff’s but one day, one of them turned on the other with such fierceness that it was shocking. Continue reading

A Parent Is Only As Good As Their Dumbest Kid

i’ve said it it another post but there’s nothing quite like the instant bond parents have with one another. it’s the best and worst of almost every emotion. i can sometimes describe parenting in sort of a vague inarticulate way but i think the following folks capture it really well:

  • “It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver
  • “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” ~ Bill Cosby
  • “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby

    Continue reading

You Know You’re A Parent When …

from clubs in junior high to greek organizations in college, playing sports to getting married, we instantly bond when we join a group because we have common knowledge, same goals, shared experiences.  but there ain’t nothing like being jumped into the crazy company of like-minded tired bewildered adoring heart-bursting people called parents.

you know you’re a parent when:

  • poop don’t faze you no more – even if you accidentally eat some.
  • the thought of getting locked up in solitary, pitch black sound proof room, with nothing to do but sleep in absolute silence sounds like a little bit of heaven. Continue reading

Things That Make You Go F**K!

  • baby just dumped out the biggest wateriest messiest runniest poop … there’s only one diaper wipe left.
  • groggily open up coffee can only to realize there’s not even enough to make one cup.
  • thinking of what to pack for your kids lunches.
  • conference call, kids wailing at dinner out of boredom, expecting important call but cell phone has 10% battery life and is 5 minutes away from causing your head to literally explode. Continue reading

I May Be A Mother But I Sure As Hell Ain’t Mature

by the time i had my kids, i was considered a “mature mother” – yes, it’s an actual term.  you know what’s funny, not hahafunny but sadfunny, is that by the time i felt ready to become a mommy, i may have looked young and felt young but my body was considered old.

with my first pregnancy, everything was so novel and wonderful and basked in a glow of love that i overlooked such things as extreme shortness of breath, GERD, maddeningly itchy skin, round ligament pain, hormones that make you want to stab your partner with an ice pick just because he has a certain expression while watching tv, peeing 12 x a night, a protruding belly button that looks like a third thumb.  but by the time i was pregnant with number 2, i was ready for that sucker to be out by week 12.  completely over it.

until the unexpected phone call. Continue reading